Chili contest

The contenders. My entry is

in the second cup to the left of the spoon.

People seem to think that because I write about food I must be a good cook.

Im not.

I follow recipes pretty well -- if theyre easy. And I do get it in my head to try things. That comes from reading fabulous food blogs and thumbing through the 125 or so interesting cookbooks I have. But I cant say everything turns out edible.

Yet there I was last night, a participant in the annual Big Timber Toot, Snoot, n Hoot. The "hoot" stands for the hysterical original musical comedy, the "snoot" refers to the consumption of alcoholic beverages (believe me, the evening is plenty fun without this), and the "toot" is the famed chili contest.

This ambitious 4-hour program was conceived ten years ago and is still written and directed by Gwen Petersen, a charming (sorry, Gwen, but its true) and colorful character who has ranched, written cowboy poetry and humor, and done everything imaginable to live her life to the fullest. A true role model. That is, if you dont read some of her poetry too closely. Heres Gwen posing as she samples the chili.

Anyway, there I was. I had to arrive early with my entry for the chili contest, so I ended up helping cut bread into bite-size pieces for palate cleansers between bites of chili, munching on corn chips, and taking photos of the activities.

I also enjoyed Tumblewood Teas, which were available for those who enjoy a more genteel alternative to "snoot."

There are a lot of things that go on behind the scenes of a cooking contest, including mundane tasks such as sharpening pencils to mark the ballots.

Contestants hearts began beating with anticipation as the chili was set up at the starting line. (Mine is second from the right.) We also helped serve.

As people lined up for chili samples at 5 pm, the entertainment got underway. Elvis was there to get everyone in the mood for the main show at 7 pm, which this year was called "They Came from Beneath the Bandstand."

The eight chilis tasted completely different, including one very hot and one very sweet (mine). Apart from the vegetarian version, each was made with a different meat: beef, venison, buffalo, pork, even pepperoni. The crowd increased as the dinner hour passed and soon two chilis were gone (mine included). Finally, we were scraping the bottom of the cookers and letting latecomers enjoy a single bowl of mixed chilis. Even the dessert table was reduced to crumbs.

The excitement mounted as Gwen called the contestants onstage to briefly describe their chili. The three winners deserved their awards, and I vowed to try again next year and win one of the coveted medals (not to mention the prize money).

Kate, Big Timber librarian,

proudly wears her second-place medal

The evening ended with two hours of side-splitting laughter as the Wild West Posse, comprising professional musicians and talented amateurs, followed Gwens script and sang, danced, and acted crazy. Among featured acts were the Beach Bums, the Ink Snots, Hot Mama, and Patsy Decline.

Theres a DVD of the performance, so just let me know if youd like to relive the evening with me. Ill bring the chili.

My chili entry

Recipe note: This took me less than 30 minutes to make, which included slooowly browning a pound of frozen meat over medium heat, opening countless cans, and stirring everything together. If the meat is thawed, it takes about 15 minutes. You can easily make this vegan by omitting meat and using maple-flavored vegetarian baked beans.

The following is my version for the cook-off; substitute ingredients as you wish and create your own award-winning chili.

Quick Chili

1 pound ground buffalo meat

3 28-ounce cans Bush Maple Cured Bacon Baked Beans

2 14.5-ounce cans diced tomatoes

11.5-ounce can of V8

11.5-ounce can tomato juice

2 1.25-ounce packets McCormick Original Chili Seasoning Mix

Brown meat, and stir in everything else.

I told you it was quick -- and easy!

This makes a lot, maybe 20 servings. Who could say for sure? It depends on how hungry everyone is. And how many late-night snacks you need. If you have leftovers, you can freeze them and/or give them to neighbors who have been nice to you -- or neighbors you hope will be nice to you in the future.

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Hi tech crown

Technology has made the dentists office an interesting place to hang out. Well, I can think of other places Id rather be, but as long as you have to be there . . .

Today I had to have a crown put on to replace the inlay that fell out again and broke off a bit of tooth on the way out. You might recall my initial visit to the dentist.

In the photo above is the computer imagery of the designed crown. The dentist took infrared photos of what was left of my tooth (which involved much internal swearing on his part no doubt; "patient" does not describe my attitude in the dentist chair), then manipulated the image with Sirona software. Its a magical process.

His thoughtful assistant showed me how the image becomes a real-life bit of enamel to put in my mouth.

The raw material is composed of different sizes and colors of enamel, to [hopefully] match the other teeth in your mouth.

The perfect piece is placed in a machine (below, right) that carves the enamel to the computer specifications.

The result is a tiny purple piece of tooth; the minuscule handle (left side) facilitates handling of this wee thing.

The enamel is painted much like pottery, with a dab placed in the middle groove to make the crown look more tooth-like. Here the dentist (left) looks on.

The crown is placed in a miniature kiln.

After about 20 minutes, it is finished but still hot. So it is placed on another, cooler surface (here, a mug) to await placement in the mouth.

Within 2 hours of arriving at the dentists office, I was driving off with a functional tooth. Amazing.

And thus this is another reminder to take care of your teeth so you can enjoy Montanas bounty. If you need a dentist in south central Montana, I can recommend a good one.

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